I went walking today...
It was about 5:00, but because of the time change it felt (and looked) much later.
And so I walked out of my parking lot and cut across my normal path as if I was going to class. Then I turned and headed downtown and then out of downtown...I walked passed his apartment complex...and I looked for his truck. And I kept walking and imagining if he saw me there. I thought about what he'd ask and what I'd answer. And it all came down to me nearly crying on Magnolia Street while I was running through an imaginary conversation in my mind.
"What are you doing out here?"
"I'm walking...so I'll stop thinking."
"What? It's freezing out and it'll be dark before you know it. Come inside and warm up and then I'll drive you home."
"You can't."
"What do you mean I can't."
"I'm walking because I'm trying to stop thinking...about you. I'm trying to give myself something to do other than sitting in my apartment by myself and wondering what you're up to. I'm trying to occupy my mind with something other than replaying every moment we've spent together. I drive myself crazy just wondering what you're thinking...wondering what you think of me. You can't...because that's exactly what I want to do. I want to sit down in your apartment and warm up and pretend that tomorrow I won't be the only one who thought it was special. You can't. Because I'd be all I could think about...and I'm so tired of thinking right now."
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